For the first time in fifteen months, I feel free to hug my three adult children, six grandchildren, and many of my good friends.  
 
I have been hugging-deprived (except for my wife) because I wanted to stay safe during this COVID experience.  Staying Alive" has been more than a John Travolta disco song for me.  It has been my main job and focus since March, 2020.
 
I have tried to do all the right things.  I realized that where I went, and how I behaved was up to me.
I wore a mask everywhere, wore plastic gloves, washed my hands fifty times a day.  I avoided planes, trains, and automobiles, except our family cars.  No ubers for me.  Plexiglas shields were not enough protection.
 
Recently, I went to a gathering and hugged a few people.  It was a surreal experience to hug and be hugged.  It felt amazing and scary at the same time.  It is also felt wonderful.
 
When I first hugged my son and grandson a few weeks ago, I cried.  Even though I have been vaccinated since February, I knew many others were not.  Now, my adult children are vaccinated, and my most of my friends are as well.
 
Businesses and spiritual centers are opening up.
There seems to be the belief that it is now safer to touch another person, give or receive a hug or handshake.  A sigh of relief.  Maybe we finally made it through this.  Maybe I can feel safe again in the grocery store.
 
Crying can be a sign of sadness, but also it may be a sign of relief.  Finally, we are free to live our lives.  But for me, I think I am crying because I was unable to cry during the last fifteen months.  It was too much to feel all the sadness and loss while being so strong.  It was too much to let in and let out the feelings of grief.  So, maybe I can grieve now as I begin to feel more connected again.  Hugging in person is different than a face-time phone call.
 
I feel sadness because of the 600,000 people in the United States who died.  I am sad that this pandemic was not taken seriously by some people.  I feel sadness for all those who became ill and recovered.  I am also grateful to every caregiver who kept people alive, and took care of our basic needs -- food, medical care, mail delivery, spiritual support, etc.  
 
I am most grateful for the scientists who created the vaccines, and those who delivered the vaccinations.  I believe that I can cry for joy about that.
 
Regarding Unity Minneapolis, I am super grateful for the ministers (Rev. Pat, and Rev Toni), staff, board, volunteers, and congregation for keeping the high watch, making our lives better, more connected, and love-focused during the last fifteen months.   Where would I be without "Connecting with Reverend Pat," my prayer chaplains, my Unity men's group, and live-streaming the Unity Sunday services?
 
I am still going slow with re-entering the world.  How safe is it really?  How can I know?  In the meantime, I will be hugging those who are vaccinated more freely now.  And I will cry out of love, gratitude, sadness, and relief.  Thank you, God.

Shame is pervasive in all cultures.  Shame is a feeling of unworthiness, incompetence, and self-hatred.  Empire Consciousness promotes shame by creating a hierarchy of the powerful at the top and the powerless at the bottom.  One is always striving to climb to the top by putting others down.  This results in racism, sexism, hetersexism, ableism, classism, etc.

Empire Consciousness is about control, domination, we/they mindsets, scarcity and oppression.  It is understandable that those at the bottom would have shame because they are heavily abused and shamed in the process of experiencing oppression. However, those at the top feel shame and guilt deep down for being oppressors.  They also hate themselves.  They may not be aware of it on a conscious level, but shame is always part of Empire Consciousness.

Oneness Consciousness is about God-connection, and love for all of creation.  It is the ultimate Shame-Buster. The more connected to love of God and the whole universe one feels, the more lovable, worthy, and meaningful life is.

We can "heal" shame by looking at past hurts, family of origin issues, and a culture of shaming.  But the real healing comes when one detaches from needing any validation from the world.  Everything comes from within, and an internal spiritual connection is the ultimate lover of all.

God is the ultimate life-force of love energy, blazing holes through the worldly shaming of Empire Consciousness.  Jesus said, "Be in the world, but not of the world."  In other words, live in the world but don't define oneself by worldly standards, rules,  categories and labels.

We are validated by our wholeness and spiritual connection, and need nothing from any earthly beings.  Just live and let live.  Create inner peace and outer peace will follow.  Everything is an INSIDE JOB.  

Books about Shame:

Brene Brown -- The Gifts of Imperfection
John Bradshaw -- Healing the Shame that Binds You
John Bradshaw -- Homecoming
Charles Whitfield -- Healing the Child Within
Alice Miller -- The Drama of the Gifted Child

Deborah MacDonald, author and business coach, talks about the difference between being a Go-getter and Go-giver.  Go-getters are actively involved in getting what they  want -- jobs, money, possessions, relationships.  Go-givers are busy offering their time, talents, and services to others, those in need.
 
Golden Receivers get and give, and receive from both the giving and receiving.  They believe they deserve to have goals and dreams, and work hard to fulfill them.  But they also dedicate their lives to helping others, being able to see the beauty of the process of giving and achieving.
 
It is all right to achieve in life.  It is crucial not to identify  and define oneself with one's successes or setbacks.  So understand that you are a beautiful child of God, of the Universe whether or not you accomplish a great deal in the outer world.  However, it is also important to offer oneself in service to others.  The balance of these two ways of being offers a joyous combination of finding joy in the process of giving and taking.  It means letting good flow in, flow out to others, and experiencing the self as one with the flow.
 
One way of being a Golden Receiver is to "pay it forward."
Gratitude for all that one has is followed by giving to others.  Golden receivers live in gratitude, and turn that into action.  Helping others provides an internal meaning and fulfillment that goes beyond material rewards.
 
So, rather than being a Go-Getter or a Go-giver, it might be wonderful to experience life as a Golden Receiver -- of prosperity, abundance, joys and sorrows as well as Golden Giver of love, energy, time, and attention.  

I know I am loved by God.

I have many people in my life who love and support me.

I am healthy and have mobility.

I am grateful to have my creative, physical and intellectual talents.

I can control where I go, but cannot control what anyone else does during this time.

I can still walk outside most of the year and marvel at the magnificence of our natural world.

I can still see people in person outside, masked, at a distance in warm weather -- above 50 degrees.

We have fortunate to have scientists who are giving us the best information they can.

Many people have harder challenges than I have.

I can live without some comforts and distractions.

I have been through much worse than this and survived and thrived.

I am not in this alone.

I can live my purpose no matter what.  I can love and support others, share time, energy and talents with others.
I am focused on fostering emotional and spiritual growth in  others.

My life has meaning, and I have had many experiences, joys, and adventures so far.

I am not responsible for anyone else's healing, or level of understanding or consciousness.

I have to trust the process -- we will get through this time.

There are many wonderful books to read and movies to see.

Ice cream comes in many delicious flavors.

I can nurture myself and those I love.

I try to not judge others who think differently than I do.

I put out the "good stuff"  (love, compassion, kindness, empathy) and let go of the results.

I see people awakening to their wholeness, and the worthiness of all others.

I can still dance.

Prayer, meditation, quiet time, and other spiritual practices  are comforting to me.

I have a loving, spiritual community.

As a child in Hebrew School, I never appreciated the idea that Abraham was asked by God to sacrifice his son.  The idea of a God that required a sacrifice was foreign to me.  My parents did not believe that, and yet they sent me to a school that taught that.
 
It was also interesting to me that many Christians I knew as a child believed that "Jesus died for your sins."  Again, the idea that someone has to be sacrificed to appease a judging, vengeful God because we are so evil.
 
This is very different from the image of God that Jesus actually taught.  According to Jesus, God is loving, forgiving, grace-filled, compassionate, generous and kind.
 
In my extended family, sacrificing for others seemed very important. People in my family or origin often talked about how much they gave up for others, how much they did for others, how much they denied themselves so others could have more.  This martyrdom was stressed as a virtue.
 
Since I have moved to a different understanding of God, and a different concept of generosity.  I now know that I don't have to give up everything to be a generous, loving person.  I can enjoy myself, enjoy material possessions, enjoy nature.  I still believe in helping, supporting and nurturing those in need.  However, it does not mean that I have to "live poor."  
 
I grew up being poor, being part of a farm family where my parents worried about paying the mortgage every month.
If we lost the farm, where would we live?  We also had enough food, but we had very few "extras."  I always wore hand-me-down clothing until I could buy something for myself at age 18.
 
I am sad that there is poverty and oppression, and I will contribute to those in need with my time, talent, and treasure.  Usually more than the 10 percent tithing that is encouraged.
 
Another aspect of being sacrificed is related to the intense bullying I experienced from ages 5 - 12 for being Jewish.  I was harassed, beaten, shamed, spat at, cursed, and ridiculed.  When bullies pick on one person, they are, in effect, projecting and dumping all their sins, frustrations, inadequacies on that person.  They believe that by tormenting someone else, they can temporarily relieve themselves from their own feelings of shame, pain, and abandonment.  This is like human sacrifice.
 
The Crucifixion, witches burned at the stake, lynching of Black men, and the Holocaust where 6 million Jews were killed, and intense bullying of children and adults -- these all are examples of scapegoating, and finding someone or some group to blame for all of life's difficulties and a person's feelings of worthlessness.  It also is a way to feel superior, in control, and purged of one's impurities.
 
Sometimes the victim is blamed, such as in some rape situations.  Sometimes, the messenger is blamed, as  Jesus was, for his bearing of "good news and glad tidings."  If the message threatens the current belief system, it is ignored, or in some cases, destroyed along with the messenger.
 
Empire Consciousness is about domination, power, control, and justifying the degradation of those "at the bottom."  This results in bullying, wars, and discrimination and hatred.  Part of Empire Consciousness is the belief in scarcity, and the need to hoard and conquer others.
All empires have done this.  Great Britan is a perfect example -- taking over countries, planting the British flag and turning the inhabitants into slaves.  Americans did this with the Native Americans.  The other empires -- Greece, Rome, Ottoman, etc. -- conquered and destroyed native people for their own gain.  So creating the concept of a punishing, vengeful God goes along with the idea of oppression and oppressors.   The image reflects the type of consciousness.
 
One thing that happens with Empire Consciousness is that those all the bottom are taught to distrust and fear each other and fight among themselves.  Fear, revenge, and a we/they mentality always exist.
 
Oneness Consciousness is about seeing the connection between all people, and believing there is enough to go around.  The God of Oneness Consciousness is one of generosity and compassion.  No need to sacrifice oneself, or anyone else.
 
Any individual can live in Oneness Consciousness -- no matter what gender, race, sexual orientation, class, etc.
So -- the type of consciousness is the enemy, not particular groups or individuals.
 
Until we get passed labeling and demonizing groups, we will continually promote and live in Empire Consciousness.  It is also a way of attempting to deny and medicate one's pain and feelings of worthlessness.  It is the refusal to examine oneself, and one's limitations and imperfections -- and still know that one is lovable as he or she is.
 
The answer to moving past the need for human sacrifice is to grow in awareness of the worth and connection of all of humanity.

Every time I see all white men lumped together, it makes me sad.  I have known thousands of white men over my almost 80 years on this planet. They have been co-workers, fathers, teachers, students, mentees, relatives, sons, community members, doctors, lawyers, judges, carpenters, plumbers, politicians, farmers, artists, barbers, executives and more.  They have ranged in age from 16 to 95.  Some have wealth.  Others are poor.  Many are in between.  
 
There are men in all age groups -- adolescents, young adults, mid-lifers, seniors, elderly.  There are men who are living fully, and men who are dying.  There are men with families and children.  There are men who have lived alone all of their lives.
 
Beyond the label "white male," come a variety of distinctions.  There are men who are of minority religions.  Not all Jewish white men are the same.  They may come from Orthodox, Conservative,or Reform backgrounds.  They may have differing beliefs and values.  There are also gay, bi-sexual and transgender white men. Some of these have been severely oppressed. There are men with illnesses and disabilities.  There are men with status and power.  There are men with low status and no power.  There are men with deformities, men with cancer and other diseases.  There are white men who live in castles and white men who are homeless and starving.
 
Some of the sub-categories consist of lifestyle issues.  Some men have been mercilessly bullied as children and adolescents.  There are many men who have abused, harassed, abandoned and beaten.  There are men from different regions of the country.   And there are men who have gone through many losses -- loss of spouses, children, jobs, health, power, income, relatives.
 
There are men who continuously grieve their losses. There are men who don't know how to openly grieve. There are athletic men and clumsy, uncoordinated men.
There are handsome men and not-so-handsome men.
There are thin men and overweight men.  There are men of varying abilities and intellectual capabilities.  There are men who are compassionate, and men who are not.  There are lovers, and there are haters.
 
Many men have been programmed to be tough, macho, independent, and stoic.  Some men belong to groups, and others are isolated.  Some men have feelings of worthiness, and others do not.  
 
Spiritually, we have a wide range of men who experience spiritual connectedness and many who have none.  We can find selfish white men and generous white men.  There are white men who are in touch with many of their feelings, and other white men who do not have a clue.
 
So -- this is the just the beginning of looking at the complexity of one group which is often described as all alike -- and all benefiting from White Male Privilege.
 
White men are as different as snowflakes (which are white).  Be careful when you talk about White Male Privilege because it is not as obvious as it may seem.
 
Many white men have been oppressed by other white men.  Many white men know the fear and terror of being hunted and tortured.  Some white men have been killed by other men.  Some oppressed men oppress others.  Some men who appear to "have it all" really deep inside hate themsevles and hate their lives.
 
The complexity goes on and on.  It is sexist to lump all white men together.  It is naive, simplistic, and also racist. 

We are amazingly adaptive and complex creatures.  By the time we are old, we have navigated through many different worlds.   
 
THE WORLD OF ME  -- Who am I?
We have personalities, temperaments and ways of being.  Every person is unique, and part of maturing is discovering who one is and what he or she needs.  We also change our views, attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors as we age.
 
THE FAMILY WORLD -- Where do I fit?
We are born into a family.  To survive and thrive in that family, we act in certain ways, trying to fit in and be safe.  We are scripted into roles, and we play with them all of our lives.
 
Some roles we learn to play in our family might be:
 
The smart one
The quiet one
The clown
The rescuer of the family
The mediator, go-between
The one who messes up
The passive one
The good listener
The therapist
 
THE SCHOOL/PEER WORLD -- How do I cope with others and organizational demands?
 
We then join the peer world, the world of children and school.  We learn to play the school game, fit in, and get along.  We found our group, or niche, if we are lucky.  We learn to play a part in that group.  We learn the student role, and the friend role.
 
THE PARTNER WORLD -- How do I maintain my own integrity and still adapt to my partner?
 
Eventually, we may find a romantic partner.  We play the boyfriend or girlfriend role,  This world changes as we age, and we adjust and adapt to expectations.  And we learn to relate to our partner's family.
 
THE PARENT WORLD -- What skills are needed to raise this child?
 
When we have children, we join the parent world.  Making decisions daily that affect a smaller, helpless being.
 
THE GRANDPARENT WORLD -- How involved do I become?
 
When our children grow up, and have children of their own, we learn to navigate the grandparent role.  What are rules, boundaries, and limits? 
 
THE WORK WORLD -- How can I be productive, make a living, and get along with others?
 
We start working in young adulthood, and have to adjust to bosses, co-workers, workplace etiquette and rules.  If we change careers and jobs, we must adjust to new roles and people. There are often new skills to learn.
 
THE ADULT FRIEND WORLD -- Who are my people?
 
Who we befriend determines how we relate, connect, and act.  We develop social groups, hobbies, and past-times which often have guidelines and practices of their own.  It is a time of discovery of what one loves to do in one's spare time.
 
THE COMMUNITY MEMBER WORLD -- What is my social and political responsibility?
 
We can become socially and politically active in our communities.  As a result, we are thrust into a variety of environments.  We develop social values and live them out.  We are part of a neighborhood.  When we move geographically, we have to start over making new connections, and learning how to fit in.
 
THE SPIRITUAL WORLD -- What is my relationship to the Divine?
 
We join religious groups and institutions, and develop our spiritual lives.  We connect with different people from different backgrounds, races, ages and social classes.
We develop spiritual practices which provide amounts of comfort and support.  We explore questions like "What does my life mean?"
 
THE ELDER WORLD -- How do I grow old and still maintain my sense of identity and worth?
 
As we age, we may retire from work.  We grow older, and develop various health issues.  We often become medical patients, and generally have to deal with changes in our bodies, hormone levels, and energy levels.  Eventually, we decline, and finally die.
 
Many people do not give themselves enough credit for navigating all of these worlds, and adjusting to a wide variety of roles and expectations.

Two questions remain:

WHY do we not know our own beauty and wholeness?

How do we learn that we, the cake, are not enough?  

When we are born as babies, we believe we are enough.  The world then teaches us otherwise through the educational system, parents, the media, peers, extended family and others.  Because others believe they are NOT ENOUGH, they cannot fully grasp that small children are enough.

You can't teach what you don't believe about yourself.

So, we are programmed out of our knowing our perfection.
The spiritual/personal journey is one of de-programming, and re-programming ourselves back to self-love, self-acceptance, and seeing the beauty / wholeness / loveability of all others. 

The cake.  We are the cake.  The cake means that we are complete, whole, and wonderful.  We are loveable as we are.  We are connected, sturdy yet vulnerable, and filled with incredible ingredients.  We REALLY are the cake.

We are LOVEABLE as we are.  However, some people don't believe that about themselves.  The spiritual/emotional journey is one of coming into the full understanding, acceptance, and appreciation of one's cake-ness.  This is personal/spiritual growth.

We come into this knowing through prayer, meditation, being in nature, and other practices which connect us to our DIVINE ESSENCE.  We are continually growing into a deeper knowing of our DIVINE cake-ness.

Now, look at the Icing.  We can add icing to the cake.  Icing includes those special sweet worldly things that can make life feel even better.  So -- good relationships, prosperity, enough money, recognition, success, and healthy power in the world are the icing on the cake.  BUT THEY ARE NOT THE CAKE.

The cake is fine without the icing.  The cake stands alone.
The problems come when people don't believe they are enough cake-ness, and expect the icing to fill them up.  In other words, trying to make the icing into the cake does not ultimately work.  

For some people, it is a lifelong task to add more and more icing, in the hopes that it will help them feel enough and fulfilled.  However, infinite amounts of icing can never be the cake.

Continuing to pour on more icing can become an addiction.  It creates all kinds of problems including scarcity thinking, fear, and self-loathing.  Shame is always a by-product of not feeling like one is enough.  Shame causes control issues, defensiveness, and depression.

So, to know one is the CAKE involves:  
Self-acceptance
Knowing that one is loveable
Striving to make the world feel loveable
Seeing the icing for what it is
Feeling like enough
Seeing and feeling the connection of all creation
Having healthy power, and not needing to dominate or control others
Inner peace
Gratitude
Seeing the DIVINE WHOLENESS in themselves

We need to help others come into their own understanding that they are enough, loveable -- TRULY the CAKE.  That will do a lot to create justice, peace, and community in a shattered world.

Let us enjoy our CAKE-NESS.  We are ultimately DIVINE.

Navigating Our Many Worlds

We are amazingly adaptive and complex creatures.  By the time we are old, we have navigated through many different worlds.   

THE WORLD OF ME  -- Who am I?
We have personalities, temperaments and ways of being.  Every person is unique, and part of maturing is discovering who one is and what he or she needs.  We also change our views, attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors as we age.

THE FAMILY WORLD -- Where do I fit?

We are born into a family.  To survive and thrive in that family, we act in certain ways, trying to fit in and be safe.  We are scripted into roles, and we play with them all of our lives.

Some roles we learn to play in our family might be:

The smart one
The quiet one
The clown
The rescuer of the family
The mediator, go-between
The one who messes up
The passive one
The good listener
The therapist

THE SCHOOL/PEER WORLD -- How do I cope with others and organizational demands?

We then join the peer world, the world of children and school.  We learn to play the school game, fit in, and get along.  We found our group, or niche, if we are lucky.  We learn to play a part in that group.  We learn the student role, and the friend role.

THE PARTNER WORLD -- How do I maintain my own integrity and still adapt to my partner?

Eventually, we may find a romantic partner.  We play the boyfriend or girlfriend role,  This world changes as we age, and we adjust and adapt to expectations.  And we learn to relate to our partner's family.

THE PARENT WORLD -- What skills are needed to raise this child?

When we have children, we join the parent world.  Making decisions daily that affect a smaller, helpless being.

THE GRANDPARENT WORLD -- How involved do I become?

When our children grow up, and have children of their own, we learn to navigate the grandparent role.  What are rules, boundaries, and limits? 

THE WORK WORLD -- How can I be productive, make a living, and get along with others?

We start working in young adulthood, and have to adjust to bosses, co-workers, workplace etiquette and rules.  If we change careers and jobs, we must adjust to new roles and people. There are often new skills to learn.

THE ADULT FRIEND WORLD -- Who are my people?

Who we befriend determines how we relate, connect, and act.  We develop social groups, hobbies, and past-times which often have guidelines and practices of their own.  It is a time of discovery of what one loves to do in one's spare time.

THE COMMUNITY MEMBER WORLD -- What is my social and political responsibility?

We can become socially and politically active in our communities.  As a result, we are thrust into a variety of environments.  We develop social values and live them out.  We are part of a neighborhood.  When we move geographically, we have to start over making new connections, and learning how to fit in.

THE SPIRITUAL WORLD -- What is my relationship to the Divine?

We join religious groups and institutions, and develop our spiritual lives.  We connect with different people from different backgrounds, races, ages and social classes.
We develop spiritual practices which provide amounts of comfort and support.  We explore questions like "What does my life mean?"

THE ELDER WORLD -- How do I grow old and still maintain my sense of identity and worth?

As we age, we may retire from work.  We grow older, and develop various health issues.  We often become medical patients, and generally have to deal with changes in our bodies, hormone levels, and energy levels.  Eventually, we decline, and finally die.

Many people do not give themselves enough credit for navigating all of these worlds, and adjusting to a wide variety of roles and expectations.