​We all know people who are controlling, who are obsessed with being and maintaining control at all costs.  They include people from all cultures, races, religions, sexual orientations, genders, and classes.

When this issue becomes frightening is when those in important leadership roles try to destroy other beings and the earth through misuse of their power.

Abandonment — fear, scarcity thinking, feeling unloved, unlovable.  Abandonment can be physical or emotional.  Abandonment occurs in families, workplaces, peer groups.   Being an outcast, being ignored, being neglected, and being abused are all part of abandonment.

Empire Consciousness always comes from being abandoned, and leads to the abandonment of others.  When one is abandoned, the person takes it personally, blames others and oneself, and is a major loss of safety.  This results in trauma and fear.

Empire Consciousness is about domination, hierarchy, oppression, competition, scarcity and fear.  It pervades many cultures, and results in addictions, violence, wars, and destruction.

As people who have been abandoned as children grow up, they begin to shame and hate themselves.  This shame and hatred is toxic, and can be so painful and destructive that it must be projected onto others.  Self-destruction can result in wanting to destroy others who appear threatening.

The shame and self-blame of abandonment can result in a toxic need to control others.  So, many dictators might have experienced abandonment as children.   The shame changes the brain chemistry and also limits those with it to develop any empathy or compassion for others.  "I will never be destroyed again.  I will destroy others first."  This can look like masochism becoming sadism.  Self-hatred is projected onto others, and others must be controlled or destroyed.

Excesssive need to be in control, control others (and possibly rule others) results in violence, rage and warfare.  All Empires come from the excessive need for control, shame and abandonment.

The only intervention that can create world peace comes from the intervention of Oneness Consciousness.  We are all one, we are loving, loved and lovable.  We are connected to Spirit, the Earth, all of creation.

In order to heal abandonment, one needs to realize they were never spiritually abandoned, and that abandonment happened to them, but was never really about them.  This dis-identification with worldly experience, can break this harmful cyle of abandonment/shame/control/destruction.  Excesssive need to control intensifies the pain of perceived worldly abandonment.

Oneness Consicous is about love, compassion, co-operation, empathy, justice, equality, belief in abundance not scarcity.  Laws and rules will not solve the problem of mass shootings, war, violence, oppression, snd world-wide destruction.  It is not an OUTSIDE job, but an INSIDE job.  "I have never been spiritually abandoned, and the world's definition of who I am is not about the REAL ME.

Weapons, wars, shootings, and all destructions  exist because fear pervades the "survival of the fittest" belief system.  Consciousness shifting is the only way to break through the deadly cycle of Abandonment/Shame/Control/Destruction.

​Early childhood abandonment, abuse, and neglect results in Trauma Consciousness.  The infant/child feels out of control, and lives totally dependent on parents and caregivers.  Without their support, they will surely die.  Alice Miller writes about this in "The Drama of the Gifted Child."

The young child is forced to adapt to a family system which is hierarchical and dominating.  The culture, living in Empire Consciousness, is one of isolation, scarcity, fear, and control.

So, when the child grows up, it is at the bottom of the hierarchical system.  Powerless again, the only way out is to climb the ladder of success, leading the powerless to then have power over others.  The response to "being controlled" is to move up to the power system, and have control over others.  The educational, economic and political systems are all about power and domination. School teaches about competition, winners and losers.  "To the victor goes the spoils."

"Survival of the fittest" is a scarcity belief system that becomes reality.  When the small number of wealthy at the top hoard everything, many are left homeless, starving, and helpless.

An Intervention of Oneness Consciousness (sharing, empathy, love, compassion, abundance, equality, and co-operative living) is a way to break into the loop of Trauma/Empire Consciousness.  The Trauma/Empire loop is very powerful, and has maintained itself through history.

The problem with this Trauma/Empire loop is that does not lead to peace, joy, and authentic living or real love.  Oneness Consciousness is fulfilling because when one knows that he/she is enough, has enough, then one experiences joy and internal peace.  Internal peace can lead to peace between cultures and nations.  "We are lovable, loved and Loving."

This spiritual intervention is part of many organized, religious systems. However, the systems can become empires themselves, and the message is then lost.

"Love thy neighbor as thyself.  Love spirit (God) with all thy heart."  When enough people move in this direction, then, and only then, will the Trauma/Empire loop end.

Holidays can be used to celebrate Oneness, freedom from slavery, and the true message of inclusion, love and compassionate living.

Maybe someday we'll be free at last.

​The Real Magic:   How Someone You Don't Know Changed Your Life

I was hanging out with a longterm friend today.  We started to talk about how we got to where we are in our lives.   I'm 83, and she is 73. We met over forty years ago.  Her medical doctor told her to see a counselor.  The counselor suggested she talk with me.  She told me about her church, and how I would enjoy it, having a similar spiritual vibration as mine.  I started attending in 1988.  In 2003, I met an incredible lady at that church who became my wife in 2005.

My entire life changed for the better, and I have never been happier and more spiritually connected.  I want to thank that medical doctor for changing my life whoever he or she is.

What this tells us is that the mystery of life's connections is amazing, and our lives are amazing.  People come into our lives, and everything can radically change in an instant.

At the same time, you never can tell how much you have helped, supported, or changed the lives of others you don't even know.  Everything is magical, and connections happen that we cannot even imagine.

​Here are twenty short sentences and phrases that help me get in touch with my spiritual connection to myself, all of humanity and all creatures, nature and the earth, and Spirit.

We are all one.

God loves us as we are.

We are blessed.

Live in gratitude.

Kindness is the way to live.

We are in the world, but not of the world.

Be accountable.

Deeds matter, but words are also important.

Experience spirit in everyone and everything.

Help alleviate suffering.

No one is more worthy, or less worthy than anyone else.

Live in process, and trust the process.

Everything ends, and everything is always changing.

Plan and dream, but to open to new experiences.

Put out the good stuff, and let go of the results.

Savor every minute — life is short — live in the present moment.

Use selective vulnerability — be open where it is safe.

Choose your loving support network with care.

Labels divide — you are an amazing child of the Universe.

Play, laugh, and be spontaneous.

​New Year's resolutions are about goals, dreams, and hopes for the coming year. Some people "reach for the stars" and others reach to survive.

As we move into 2025, let us be aware of all those who are barely surviving.  There all people all over the world who are sick, homeless, living in poverty, and struggling with wars, climate change, and oppression.

Rather than a narcissistic "resolution" experience, let us pray for peace, and a raising our eyes to Oneness Consciousness.  

At 83, I am grateful to be alive, being in relatively good health, and for my ability to reach for the toilet paper.

I resolve in 2025 to work on being a light in a dark world.  I resolve to help those in need, and support the life's journey for as many people as possible.  I resolve to be aware of how I use the earth's resources and consume and waste less.  I resolve to be kind, compassionate and loving, noticing and appreciating those who help me live an abundant life -- my doctors, nurses, pharmacists, garbage collectors, clerks, waitpeople, spiritual guides and angels.

I appreciate my biological family, and also my chosen family.  I am blessed with supportive and loving spiritual community, a wonderful wife, and beautiful children, in-laws, and grandchildren.

I spend this time living in gratitude and service.  I pray for enlightened leadership, so we can move more clearly from Empire Consciousness (power, domination, fear, scarcity, hierarchy, control and oppression) to a world of Oneness Consciousness (equality, love, compassion, empathy, kindness, abundance, sharing, and connection).

This is reaching for the stars, and healing the planet.  I resolve to be the light, be the love, and spread joy wherever I can.  And in 2026, I hope to still be able to reach for the toilet paper.

​What do adolescents and older folks have in common?  Adolescents are from thirteen to nineteen.  Older folks are 60 plus years old.
It is surprising to find many commonalities between adolescents and older folks.  Here are a few:

People label you by your age and have opinions about your behavior.

Body changes are challenging, new urges and needs for adolescents, and lessening of memory and physical and sexual capabilities for older folks.

Moving into the unknown future -- not sure of what is coming next.  For adolescents, it is adulthood, work, responsibilities.  For older folks, it is illnesses, pain, suffering, and ultimately dying.

Both lose their peers.  They leave, move on, or die.  Those close to them become gone, and sometimes unexpectedly.

You can be seen or experienced as a nuisance, in the way.

Grieving losses -- for adolescents, of childhood innocence, for older folks grieving loss of immortality.

It would be interesting to combine adolescents and older folks in support groups, and see what they could learn from each other.

​Today, my wife and I went to Kelly and Kelly Garden Store --- for its big opening of the season.
I brought my camp chair, and found a comfortable and shady place to sit near the offices.  There were tall trees all around me -- oaks, willows, pine trees.  Every possible shade of green.  

Nearby, a table was set up with books and note cards with gardening themes.  My wife went to look for plants, and I sat in my chair-- just noticing the beauty all around me.  Probably more than a 

hundred people came and passed by me with wagons filled with plants.  My hip replacements meant that I was not walking a lot, and so I just breathed in the spring air, enjoying the sunlight, and magic of this place.  There were trails and a major plant area with thousands of plants.  I thought this must be "heaven on earth."  It smelled wonderful.  

Shortly after I sat down, a woman drove up, and took a large object out of her SUV.  I thought it might be a table for selling books.  As she opened up the zipper, she pulled out a harp made of red plastic and metal.  This was smaller than harps I had seen before, but she steadied it on a rock.
She got back in her SUV, and pulled it off to the side.  She came back to sit about five feet from me.  

Started to play a variety of songs, and continued on for two hours.  I was serenaded by an angel.  We chatted briefly and others passed by and stopped to listen.  She had Irish tunes, and church hymns.  One of the hymns was "In The Garden."   I go to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses......and He walks with me and he talks with me, and tells me I am His own."  Clearly not an accident.  

I was living in the moment, in heaven on earth, with an angel playing a harp right next to me.  And I was reminded by the song she played, "In the Garden"  how much I am loved, and that I am not 
alone.  Perfect.  Magical.  Amazing.  Totally unexpected -- just living in gratitude in the moment.

I wish everyone in the world could experience such moments of peace, tranquility and comfort.
I thanked her when I left.  I told her, "You made my day."  She stopped playing, and looked at me, and said, "You made my day, too."

It was Divine, a reminder of Oneness with all of creation. Angels show up all the time.

It is interesting to see oneself, not only as a survivor, but a thriver.  My parents, sister, and other relatives have had very difficult challenges, and some have died at fairly early ages.

I have been blessed with many opportunities, challenges, and supportive people (angels).  These include an education with major contributors in psychology and sociology.

I have been involved in the Men's Liberation movement for over sixty years, and met incredibly gifted leaders such as Abraham Maslow, Robert Bly, and Michael Gurian.  

I have been invited to meet with Presidents and Vice-Presidents at the White House several times regarding school shooting and fatherhood issues.

My parents did not have such opportunities.  My father was a poor immigrant, coming to the United States in 1920 at age 16.  He traveled on a ship, not knowing anyone.  My mother, a gifted writer, was not permitted to go to college because she was female.

My sister, a dedicated teacher, passed away in her early fifties from cancer.

At 83, I realize they all affected me, and are part of me.  But, it is sometimes hard to accept all the good that has come my way.  I don't know if there is such a thing as "thriver guilt," but I put it out there to be explored.

My mother always lived in gratitude.  "There, but for the Grace of God, go I," she said many, many times when she witness someone suffering with poverty or health issues.

My parents were poultry farmers in New Jersey, and we were economically poor.  Both my parents were gifted, and helped many people in need. They struggled, working several jobs, but were generous and kind.

So, I must realize that they thrived in their own ways, and did their part for make a more loving world.

Thriver guilt can turn into love and appreciation of every blessing in life.  We are all gifted with love, and blessed with grace.  Let us use our gifts to cherish life, spirit, the earth and each other.

How much data can a human brain store?  In my 83 years on this planet, I have absorbed so much data.  I have probably read 5,000 books and articles.  I have been to well over a thousand lectures - by teachers, authors, and speakers.

I have synthesized my learning into a few general beliefs which will carry me through to the last of my days.  Here are thirteen of them.

1.  It is better to live in gratitude than in regret or resentment.
2. Forgiving others for hurting me does not mean that it was right.  People act at the level of their awareness and consciousness.  If they knew better, they woud do better.  I don't have to be around them, however.
3.  It makes no sense to compare myself to others, envy others, or judge others.  I am me, with my own experiences, and my own perceptions.
4. I am enough.  I do enough.  I continue to do my best most of the time.
5. Too much time in cultural values is exhausting and depressing.  There has always been suffering, evil, and selfishness.
6. Growing up means finding meaning and purpose, and not getting caught up in fads, trends, or cultural messages.
7. Selective vulnerability is the way to go -- sharing as much myself as makes sense given the situation.
8. Political leaders represent the collective consciousness of society.  The only savior is the one inside Spirit and ourselves.
9. Every moment is an opportunity to share and spread love and healing energy.
10. There is no where to get to.  We have everything we need.
11. Every day of good health is a gift.
12. Finding a support network and being supportive of other people's journey make life better.
13. Be still, meditate, pray, listen, accept, seek justice, and dance while you can.