Day By Day

We learn early on to please those who have power over us and take care of us.  We are taught to "do what we are told" and when we do, we are often praised for it.  If we "don't do what we are told" we are not praised, and sometimes punished. Praise is part of "external validation," the need for someone outside of ourselves to notice us, appreciate us, validate us.  "Good boy!"  "Good girl!"
 
It starts with our parents and other relatives.  It moves to teachers, ministers, bosses, coaches, and peers.  Many people want to be accepted and valued.  They look outside themselves for such approval.  The idea can lead to a lack of trust in one's own inner worth.
 
This works well in a system of Empire Consciousness.  This system is about domination, power, control, hierarchy, and oppression.  Nobody wants to be at the bottom.  Being at the top provides more resources, opportunities, and validation.  We start believing that we are worthy because of what we accomplish or possess rather than being worthy for just being who we are.  Praise from bosses and those in charge (those with power) can result in raises and promotions.  "Making it" to the top is the goal, becoming champions, stars, and celebrities.
 
This loss of trust in one's authentic self, and exernalizing one's value and worth is part of an addictive process.  One becomes addicted to external definitions of who one should be, and how one should live and act.
 
Oneness Consciousness is a radical alternative to this Empire system.  Spiritual connection, love of self, and knowing one's value and worth means one has personal power.  External validation is about giving one's power away to others.
 
When a person gives away internal power, they crave external power.  Part of the loss of authenticity involves grieving -- with responses of anger, rage, shame, guilt, depression, and addiction.  People are more easy to control if they don't value themselves.  Empire Consciousness is about taking away internal power with the promise of external domination power.  However such external power never fills the deep hole inside.
 
The hymn, "Be Thou My Vision" has a line about "vain, empty praise."  It was written in the early nineteenth century.  It is about having a higher spiritual vision rather than seeking praise from other people.  In other words, it suggests movement from Empire Consciousness to Oneness Consciousness.  With Oneness Consciousness, our joy and and personal meaning and fulfillment comes from our connections to spirit, ourselves, others, and the earth.
 
I am reminded of the beautiful song, "Day by Day," from Godspell, written in 1973.  Three things we pray:
"See God more clearly, Follow God more nearly, Love God more dearly - Day by day.

Not Letting Our Emotional Wounds Define Us

Strategic Discernment and Selective Vulnerability

Dr. Michael Obsatz speaks for 10 minutes. 

Dr. Michael Obsatz Speaks for 10 Minutes

Loss of Childhood, Freedom and Spontaneity

Recently, a young adolescent girl who was bullied by other girls killed herself.  It seemed like a wake-up call for some -- about the devastating effects of this "normalized" behavior of many children, adolescents, and adults.

A lot has been written about bullying.  My book, Raising Nonviolent Children in a Violent World, was published in 1999.  Bullying exists among boys and girls, kids and adults of all ages, and of all ethnic and economic backgrounds.  Bullying is part of Empire Consciousness which has been pervasive from the beginning of time.  Empire

Consciousness has the following characteristics:

domination
hierarchy
scarcity
fear
oppression
shaming

blaming
labeling, grouping
stereotyping
violence, hitting, punching, shooting
destruction
war, bombing, killing
entitlement

An example of this is in Russia's war on the Ukraine.  Clearly, an Empire dominating a smaller and weaker country.

As a boy, I was bullied by a gang of boys who hated me because I was Jewish.  It was the 1940's and 1950's -- and Anti-Semitism was rampant in America.  I was repeatedly hit, punched, slapped, spit on, shamed, called names and had my belongings taken away.  I lived in constant fear.  My bullying took place in the classroom, on the playground, on the school bus, in the hallways, in the cafeteria.  Almost all of the adults looked the other way.  One teacher told me that I probably did something to deserve it.

No place felt safe.  When we talk about bullying, we rarely go deeper in to the traumatic affect it has on children, adults, and entire cultures.  Bullying takes away one's feeling safety.  A child becomes hyper-vigilant.

In one's mind is:  When is it coming next?  How can I avoid this?  Where can I hide?  Who can I safely tell.  (By the way, "telling" often makes the bullying worse).  If I cry, do they hit me more?  If I don't cry, do they hit me more so I will cry?

Boys aren't supposed to cry -- so crying erodes a boy's sense of personal masculinity and strength.
Why is this happening to me?  Did I do something wrong?  All of this second-guessing is mind- exhausting.

What we don't usually talk about regarding bullying is the loss of freedom, curiosity, spontaneity that victims of bullying feel.  One is trapped, limited, and life is not under one's control.  No one can be trusted.

It is terrifying, and terror-fying.  Feeling constant terror, the possibility that violence could erupt at any moment creates anxiety, and a long-lasting grief.  Children of bullying lose their innocence, and their light-heartedness.  Life is stressful -- every minute, all the time.  Victims can't study, learn or concentrate.  My kindergarten teacher bullied me.  She told me I would never make it to first grade.

Constant fear and stress, along with lack of freedom and spontaneity, results in loss of a free childhood.  No matter what you do, you will be criticized, blamed or hurt.  There is no escaping it, and one is doomed.  This feeling of impending doom of results in severe depression, and sometimes suicide.

The losses:  childhood, spontaneity, freedom, hope, trust, and safety.  

The effects:  anger, shame, need to control, rage, depression, hopelessness, suicide.

As long as we allow this consciousness to pervade our culture, no one will be safe.  That is because no one is safe until everyone is safe.

Abraham Maslow, my psychology professor in 1960, taught us that safety was the first and most important need that human beings have.  Oneness Consciousness is the acceptance of all others, and the equality of all of humanity.  

Millions of victims of bullying are currently grieving losses and suffering with anxiety, depression, and fear.  It is an international affliction, often minimized and normalized.

Let's get real.

In an Empire-Obsessed World

The Tyre Nichols Massacre: Powerlessness/Fear/Domination/Destruction Instinct Gone Crazy