​Many children experience abuse, trauma, neglect, bullying, and ostracism.  Day after day at school, some children are marginalized, shamed, or physically assaulted.

I experienced all of the above.  I did tell my parents, and they did call the school.  Nothing was done about it.  No one helped me process what I experiened or how I felt about it or myself.  It was easy to believe there was something wrong with me.   I took everything that happened to me personally.  Nobody said "It is not about you.  It's a system of power, domination and control.  There are always victims and you came along."

In the 1960's we learned about the idea of processing.  Dr. Eugene Gendlin wrote about "felt sense" and the importance of "Focussing." Therapist Carl Rogers taught about "unconditional positive regard."  Patient therapy changed to "client-centered therapy."

I believe that young people become addicted to screens and social media because they do not have the opportunities or skills to process their emotions and experiences.  Anne Wilson Schaef wrote a book called "Living in Process."  Our lives are a continuous unfolding of events and challenges.   Change is inevitable.

When one learns to process experiences with trusted others, that person can feel supported, understood and valued.  Processing takes commitment and time.  In our world, we have time to travel to the moon, but no time or interest in processing what children are experiencing.

In a world of Empire Consciousness, there is emphasis on power, domination, fear, control, scarcity, hierarchy and competition.  The child is taught to seek external validation, and the interior landscape of the child may be ignored.

Some helpful processing tools include the following questions:
How are you doing?
Is there anything you'd like to talk about?
What feelings are going on inside?
Would you like the share what you are feeling with me?
Do you feel angry, disappointed, ashamed, worthless, sad, scared, etc.?
What would you like me to do about this?   
How can I help?
Would you like any suggestions about what you can do about this?

We must, as a culture, start encouraging the PROCESSING of feelings for children.  Built-up pain and emotional isolation can result in violence and addiction.  Screen addiction is a cry for help.

In "When Society Beomes an Addict," Anne Wilson Schaef warns us that a great deal of addictive behaviors come from a lack of self-love, maturity, navigational skills, and emotional connection. 

In "Success is the Quality of Your Journey," Jennifer James writes that we need to appreciate the complexity and inner life of all beings.
This begins with valuing ourselves, and seeing the value and lovabiity of all living begins.  Oneness Consciousness - spiritual and emotional connection results in peace and not war, compassion and not narcissism, connections and not addictions.

​The Declaration of Interdependence and the Evolution of Oneness Consciousness

A meeting was held at the Peace Garden Plaza somewhere in the world.  The song "Imagine" by John Lenno was played  many times.  Representatives from all  parts of the world were there.  It lasted one day.  The two hundred delegates there decided to end Empire Consciousonesss once and for all times, and create one world, indivisible, with freedom and justice for all.  They wrote up a Declaration of Interdepedence, with abundance and love for all.

While the members acknowledged that they were different in age, gender identity, race, sexual orientation, spirituality — they adopted the following belief and action system: We are different, but we will not define ourselves by our differences.  We are all One, children of the Universe.  We are all equal and have equal rights.  No one is better or worse than anyone else.

There is abundance, enough for everyone.  We share resources, knowledge, and celebrate peace, connection, and sharing all of the world's resources.  Money previously spent on war and violence can now be used for food, shelter, health care, and all essentials for all the world's children.

There are many ways to get to abundance, love and compassion.  The ways of various spiritual belief systems can provide alternative types of worship and community connectedness.  The end goal for all is love, peace, understanding, hope, compassion for the earth, every living being, and all of creation.

Nothing and no one can divide us now.  There is nowhere to get to.  We are worthy, lovable, loving, and loved.  It is what we were born for.

We trust each other, do not need external validation, addictions, distractions and hoarding of material wealth.

We are ONE in the Spirit, and live with joy and gratitude.

Love comes from our hearts.  It flows through us, into the world.  Some believe God IS love.  Males and females share One heart expression.  Oneness Consciousness is about connection, unity, love and abundance.

We all can have access to all emotions, all modes of expression.

Elvis Presley's "Love Me Tender" can represent all of creation.

Traits that relate to love are in all of us — people of all races, religions, sexual orientations, genders, ages and social classes.   These traits of love include empathy, compassion, nurturing, supporting, being vulnerable,  listening and presence.

Some have claimed that the loving traits are feminine and the protecitve traits are masculine.  Aggressiveness is categorized as masculine.  Passivity is labeled feminine.

I believe this is too simplistic, and creates all kinds of anxiety and discomfort.  We find girls and women exhibiting traits that are called "masculine" — assertive, powerful and  protective.  Men and boys can be gentle, kind, loving, and vulnerable.

Let's consider changing our language into Oneness Consciousness.  Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine can become Divine Oneness love expressions.  These loving traits are  available to all people, all genders.  

Lesley Duncan wrote "Love Song."  "Love is what we came here  for.  Love is the opening door."   Let us live in Oneness Consciousness and claim our wholeness, our spiritual beingness, and our incredible  lovability.

After a fall on an uneven cement sidewalk, an X-ray showed I had fractured my patella (part of my knee) .  I was in no pain, but was unable to walk.  I had hardly any strength in my leg, and couldn't balance myself to stand.   I received from my doctor and physical therapist  a brace for my knee "(brace Kelly"), a cane I named "Candy," and a metal walker I named "Luke Sky".

These aids, Kelly, Candy and Luke Sky were like grab bars that provided me with stability and confidence to do my regular exercises, heal and regain my balance and mobility.

For everyday tasks, I needed something to hold on to — like a grab bar.  For me, grab bars  provided stability and support in the shower, and near the toilet.  Grab bars helped me heal, and I am grateful that someone invented them.

This made me think about how are all meant to be grab bars for each other.  We are becoming someone to hold onto during the inevitable falls we experience as humans on this planet.

What qualities does a grab bar have?   It is strong and sturdy, held in place by nails or suction.  A grab bar is right where we need it to be, and easily accessible.  It is present, and doesn't give advice.  It just is THERE.

There are  song lyrics - "Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll give you the faith to carry on."  As children of the Universe, we all may have the opportunity to be grab bars for others in need.  Many immigrants in Minneapois relied on others during the recent ICE surge.  People donated food, shelter and support to thousands of people who were targeted by ICE.  Many of them were U.S. citizens.  Many of them were people of color whose families who had come from other countries.

So, let us be lights in the world, role models of love, and grab bars for those who need support and compassion.

Some conflicts are worth getting into, and some are not.  Conflict-avoidance has a negative connotation.  People called this may be seen as weak, cowardly, or defensive.  However, perhaps further examination of this label can reveal some new insights.

The need to resolve conflicts may have something to do with the desire to control.  Sometimes there is a right way, a right idea, a right solution to a problem.  Sometimes it is more complex than that.

Strategic discernment and selective vulnerability are important and healthy ways to navigate life's challenges and disagreements.  Here are some questions that might help.

Is there a reason to engage with this person?
Is it safe to be with this person?  Do I trust this person?
Do they want the best for me, or do they just want to win or be right?
Is this conflict discussion worth my time and energy?
What will I gain from this interaction?

Living a loving, authentic life means being careful, being gentle with oneself, and being IN the world, but not OF the world.  Self-care relates to self-worth.

"I am not avoiding a conflict, I am taking care of myself by respecting my boundaries, needs, feelings, and safety."

​We all know people who are controlling, who are obsessed with being and maintaining control at all costs.  They include people from all cultures, races, religions, sexual orientations, genders, and classes.

When this issue becomes frightening is when those in important leadership roles try to destroy other beings and the earth through misuse of their power.

Abandonment — fear, scarcity thinking, feeling unloved, unlovable.  Abandonment can be physical or emotional.  Abandonment occurs in families, workplaces, peer groups.   Being an outcast, being ignored, being neglected, and being abused are all part of abandonment.

Empire Consciousness always comes from being abandoned, and leads to the abandonment of others.  When one is abandoned, the person takes it personally, blames others and oneself, and is a major loss of safety.  This results in trauma and fear.

Empire Consciousness is about domination, hierarchy, oppression, competition, scarcity and fear.  It pervades many cultures, and results in addictions, violence, wars, and destruction.

As people who have been abandoned as children grow up, they begin to shame and hate themselves.  This shame and hatred is toxic, and can be so painful and destructive that it must be projected onto others.  Self-destruction can result in wanting to destroy others who appear threatening.

The shame and self-blame of abandonment can result in a toxic need to control others.  So, many dictators might have experienced abandonment as children.   The shame changes the brain chemistry and also limits those with it to develop any empathy or compassion for others.  "I will never be destroyed again.  I will destroy others first."  This can look like masochism becoming sadism.  Self-hatred is projected onto others, and others must be controlled or destroyed.

Excesssive need to be in control, control others (and possibly rule others) results in violence, rage and warfare.  All Empires come from the excessive need for control, shame and abandonment.

The only intervention that can create world peace comes from the intervention of Oneness Consciousness.  We are all one, we are loving, loved and lovable.  We are connected to Spirit, the Earth, all of creation.

In order to heal abandonment, one needs to realize they were never spiritually abandoned, and that abandonment happened to them, but was never really about them.  This dis-identification with worldly experience, can break this harmful cyle of abandonment/shame/control/destruction.  Excesssive need to control intensifies the pain of perceived worldly abandonment.

Oneness Consicous is about love, compassion, co-operation, empathy, justice, equality, belief in abundance not scarcity.  Laws and rules will not solve the problem of mass shootings, war, violence, oppression, snd world-wide destruction.  It is not an OUTSIDE job, but an INSIDE job.  "I have never been spiritually abandoned, and the world's definition of who I am is not about the REAL ME.

Weapons, wars, shootings, and all destructions  exist because fear pervades the "survival of the fittest" belief system.  Consciousness shifting is the only way to break through the deadly cycle of Abandonment/Shame/Control/Destruction.

​Early childhood abandonment, abuse, and neglect results in Trauma Consciousness.  The infant/child feels out of control, and lives totally dependent on parents and caregivers.  Without their support, they will surely die.  Alice Miller writes about this in "The Drama of the Gifted Child."

The young child is forced to adapt to a family system which is hierarchical and dominating.  The culture, living in Empire Consciousness, is one of isolation, scarcity, fear, and control.

So, when the child grows up, it is at the bottom of the hierarchical system.  Powerless again, the only way out is to climb the ladder of success, leading the powerless to then have power over others.  The response to "being controlled" is to move up to the power system, and have control over others.  The educational, economic and political systems are all about power and domination. School teaches about competition, winners and losers.  "To the victor goes the spoils."

"Survival of the fittest" is a scarcity belief system that becomes reality.  When the small number of wealthy at the top hoard everything, many are left homeless, starving, and helpless.

An Intervention of Oneness Consciousness (sharing, empathy, love, compassion, abundance, equality, and co-operative living) is a way to break into the loop of Trauma/Empire Consciousness.  The Trauma/Empire loop is very powerful, and has maintained itself through history.

The problem with this Trauma/Empire loop is that does not lead to peace, joy, and authentic living or real love.  Oneness Consciousness is fulfilling because when one knows that he/she is enough, has enough, then one experiences joy and internal peace.  Internal peace can lead to peace between cultures and nations.  "We are lovable, loved and Loving."

This spiritual intervention is part of many organized, religious systems. However, the systems can become empires themselves, and the message is then lost.

"Love thy neighbor as thyself.  Love spirit (God) with all thy heart."  When enough people move in this direction, then, and only then, will the Trauma/Empire loop end.

Holidays can be used to celebrate Oneness, freedom from slavery, and the true message of inclusion, love and compassionate living.

Maybe someday we'll be free at last.

​The Real Magic:   How Someone You Don't Know Changed Your Life

I was hanging out with a longterm friend today.  We started to talk about how we got to where we are in our lives.   I'm 83, and she is 73. We met over forty years ago.  Her medical doctor told her to see a counselor.  The counselor suggested she talk with me.  She told me about her church, and how I would enjoy it, having a similar spiritual vibration as mine.  I started attending in 1988.  In 2003, I met an incredible lady at that church who became my wife in 2005.

My entire life changed for the better, and I have never been happier and more spiritually connected.  I want to thank that medical doctor for changing my life whoever he or she is.

What this tells us is that the mystery of life's connections is amazing, and our lives are amazing.  People come into our lives, and everything can radically change in an instant.

At the same time, you never can tell how much you have helped, supported, or changed the lives of others you don't even know.  Everything is magical, and connections happen that we cannot even imagine.

​Here are twenty short sentences and phrases that help me get in touch with my spiritual connection to myself, all of humanity and all creatures, nature and the earth, and Spirit.

We are all one.

God loves us as we are.

We are blessed.

Live in gratitude.

Kindness is the way to live.

We are in the world, but not of the world.

Be accountable.

Deeds matter, but words are also important.

Experience spirit in everyone and everything.

Help alleviate suffering.

No one is more worthy, or less worthy than anyone else.

Live in process, and trust the process.

Everything ends, and everything is always changing.

Plan and dream, but to open to new experiences.

Put out the good stuff, and let go of the results.

Savor every minute — life is short — live in the present moment.

Use selective vulnerability — be open where it is safe.

Choose your loving support network with care.

Labels divide — you are an amazing child of the Universe.

Play, laugh, and be spontaneous.

​New Year's resolutions are about goals, dreams, and hopes for the coming year. Some people "reach for the stars" and others reach to survive.

As we move into 2025, let us be aware of all those who are barely surviving.  There all people all over the world who are sick, homeless, living in poverty, and struggling with wars, climate change, and oppression.

Rather than a narcissistic "resolution" experience, let us pray for peace, and a raising our eyes to Oneness Consciousness.  

At 83, I am grateful to be alive, being in relatively good health, and for my ability to reach for the toilet paper.

I resolve in 2025 to work on being a light in a dark world.  I resolve to help those in need, and support the life's journey for as many people as possible.  I resolve to be aware of how I use the earth's resources and consume and waste less.  I resolve to be kind, compassionate and loving, noticing and appreciating those who help me live an abundant life -- my doctors, nurses, pharmacists, garbage collectors, clerks, waitpeople, spiritual guides and angels.

I appreciate my biological family, and also my chosen family.  I am blessed with supportive and loving spiritual community, a wonderful wife, and beautiful children, in-laws, and grandchildren.

I spend this time living in gratitude and service.  I pray for enlightened leadership, so we can move more clearly from Empire Consciousness (power, domination, fear, scarcity, hierarchy, control and oppression) to a world of Oneness Consciousness (equality, love, compassion, empathy, kindness, abundance, sharing, and connection).

This is reaching for the stars, and healing the planet.  I resolve to be the light, be the love, and spread joy wherever I can.  And in 2026, I hope to still be able to reach for the toilet paper.