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    Dr. Mike Obsatz, Professor Emeritus at Macalester College

    Troy Carstensen,
    CCNP

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Overcoming Praise Addiction

7/16/2023

 

Day By Day

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We learn early on to please those who have power over us and take care of us.  We are taught to "do what we are told" and when we do, we are often praised for it.  If we "don't do what we are told" we are not praised, and sometimes punished. Praise is part of "external validation," the need for someone outside of ourselves to notice us, appreciate us, validate us.  "Good boy!"  "Good girl!"
 
It starts with our parents and other relatives.  It moves to teachers, ministers, bosses, coaches, and peers.  Many people want to be accepted and valued.  They look outside themselves for such approval.  The idea can lead to a lack of trust in one's own inner worth.
 
This works well in a system of Empire Consciousness.  This system is about domination, power, control, hierarchy, and oppression.  Nobody wants to be at the bottom.  Being at the top provides more resources, opportunities, and validation.  We start believing that we are worthy because of what we accomplish or possess rather than being worthy for just being who we are.  Praise from bosses and those in charge (those with power) can result in raises and promotions.  "Making it" to the top is the goal, becoming champions, stars, and celebrities.
 
This loss of trust in one's authentic self, and exernalizing one's value and worth is part of an addictive process.  One becomes addicted to external definitions of who one should be, and how one should live and act.
 
Oneness Consciousness is a radical alternative to this Empire system.  Spiritual connection, love of self, and knowing one's value and worth means one has personal power.  External validation is about giving one's power away to others.
 
When a person gives away internal power, they crave external power.  Part of the loss of authenticity involves grieving -- with responses of anger, rage, shame, guilt, depression, and addiction.  People are more easy to control if they don't value themselves.  Empire Consciousness is about taking away internal power with the promise of external domination power.  However such external power never fills the deep hole inside.
 
The hymn, "Be Thou My Vision" has a line about "vain, empty praise."  It was written in the early nineteenth century.  It is about having a higher spiritual vision rather than seeking praise from other people.  In other words, it suggests movement from Empire Consciousness to Oneness Consciousness.  With Oneness Consciousness, our joy and and personal meaning and fulfillment comes from our connections to spirit, ourselves, others, and the earth.
 
I am reminded of the beautiful song, "Day by Day," from Godspell, written in 1973.  Three things we pray:
"See God more clearly, Follow God more nearly, Love God more dearly - Day by day.

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Oneness Consciousness

7/16/2023

 

Not Letting Our Emotional Wounds Define Us

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We have all been wounded emotionally.  Some of us have been hurt more than others.  Emotional and physical abandonment cause wounds.  We are wounded emotionally by our parents, caregivers, family members, friends, and strangers.
 
"Not being loved for who we really are" may be the most common wound.  We can be ignored, ridiculed, humiliated, shamed, physically abused.  In the movie, "The Fabelmans," about the family of Steven Spielberg,  there is continuous wounding and abandonment.  The main character finds comfort and support in making movies.
 
Living in a culture of Empire Consciousness, there is always going to be individual and collective wounding.  This consciousness of domination, hierarchy, power and control always results in oppression, addiction, death and destruction.  It is inevitable.  Fear, rage, and loss are significant parts of Empire Consciousness.
 
There are a variety of ways of dealing with our wounds.  We can feel the pain and suffering, and then work on moving on from that.  We can avoid hostile and shaming people.  One powerful way of recovering from our
 
wounds is letting ourselves feel the pain, and then affirming our lovability despite the hurts from others.  We are not our wounds.  It wasn't and isn't personal.  It happened to us, but wasn't about us.  In other words, there is a spiritual part of us that was never touched by the suffering and wounding.  
 
Making it impersonal is one part of the healing process.  We can affirm: "Because I was shamed doesn't mean that I let that shame define me."  I AM NOT MY WOUND.  The wounding took place because of the perpetrators' lack of self-love and empathy.  IT WASN'T ABOUT ME.
 
Empire Consciousness wounds many people.  People with power often wound others.  Those who dominate, control, and oppress are constantly wounding other people.  If you have your dignity, your spiritual connection, and your support network of people -- the wounds will not penetrate your heart.
 
I have heard this talked about like "teflon."  What comes at me, bounces off, and hits the sender square in the face.  We can forgive our wounders, let go, and trust that we are beautiful children of the Universe -- loved, loving, and lovable.  What others may say about me is none of my business.
 
We are defined by Spirit, not the world.  We are diverse, unique, and magical.  We are one with Spirit.  This Oneness Consciousness is the ultimate healing from the world's wounding.

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Appreciating God's Back-Up Singers

7/16/2023

 
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I recently watched a movie called "Twenty Feet from Stardom," about back-up singers and how little credit they have gotten for participating in the making harmonious, incredible music.  It started me thinking about all the people who are behind the scenes, keeping our lives going who receive little, if any, verbal or written recognition of their contributions.
 
I also recently personally thanked several of my pharmacists for keeping me alive over the last twenty years.  I told them that they mattered to me, and their work was enabling me to live a full, healthy, and meaningful life.  Several of them started to cry.  They told me they rarely get positive feedback, and more often get negative comments about their work.
 
God has created an amazing Universe, and we are blessed to be part of it.  There have been thousands of people who have supported our growth and development.  I'll list just a few of them:  doctors, nurses, dentists, pharmacists, dental assistants, parents, grandparents, trash collectors, store clerks, secretaries, postal workers, teachers, guidance counselors, athletic coaches, mentors, janitors, entertainers, film crews, lawyers, ministers, chaplains, volunteers, repair people, truck drivers, salespeople, farmers, technology specialists, product manufacturers, restaurant servers and staff, police people, government workers, firefighters, paramedics, road repair workers, and others.
 
Sometimes, people's contributions to our lives are taken for granted.  Some people don't want or expect appreciation or praise.  Some just want kindness and a paycheck.  I do believe gratitude can be expressed more than it is.  Who supports you on your life's journey?  Have you thanked them for their help and support?

We could thank people verbally, or send notes, or give some money.  Any way we do it, kindness and acknowledgment could make someone's day.
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Trusting

7/16/2023

 

Strategic Discernment and Selective Vulnerability

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In our lives, there are people we can trust, and people we can't trust.  It is sometimes very challengng to discern who fits into each category.
 
Erik Erickson, a psychologist, wrote that trust vs. mistrust is the first developmental stage of emotional growth.  When we are born, we have to rely upon our parents and families because those are the dedicated caregivers.  Some parents are trustworthy, and others are not.
 
Children viscerally know if they are loved unconditionally or not.  Growing up with trustworthy parents, who are loving, compassionate, and nurturing is wonderful.  Not every child gets to have this.
 
Erikson claims that one can master trust vs. mistrust.  I believe it is a lifelong process.  We are continually put into situations where our trust is tested.  Can we trust all of our teachers?   Our politicians?  Our news media?  Can we trust our friends, our neighbors, our relatives.  Maybe some.  Maybe not others.
 
This process of deciding how vulnerable to be, how protective of ourselves we want to be -- is complicated, and often imperfect.  We make guesses all the time.  Van Sant has written a wonderful book about trust called:  "Trust:  Trusting God, Self, Others, and Life."  
 
I believe that trusting is good thing, but it also is too simplistic to suggest that people run around being vulnerable and open all the time.  There are people who would hurt us, manipulate us, and shame us.  There are people who may use our vulnerability against us.
 
So - being strategic and discerning, and being selective are very important in becoming more vulnerable.  Wholeness is not total vulnerability all the time.  It involves selective vulnerabilty when it is safe to live that way.
 
We choose the time and the places where we open up.  We choose people with whom we share our deepest desires and secrets.  Those people need to have done their own emotional work, and be in a place of love, acceptance, and gratitude.  If we are not careful with our true selves, we might experience betrayal and emotional trauma.
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CHEER each other on

4/28/2023

 

Dr. Michael Obsatz speaks for 10 minutes. 

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Declarations of Interdependence

3/30/2023

 

Dr. Michael Obsatz Speaks for 10 Minutes

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Victims of Bullying

3/21/2023

 

Loss of Childhood, Freedom and Spontaneity

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Recently, a young adolescent girl who was bullied by other girls killed herself.  It seemed like a wake-up call for some -- about the devastating effects of this "normalized" behavior of many children, adolescents, and adults.

A lot has been written about bullying.  My book, Raising Nonviolent Children in a Violent World, was published in 1999.  Bullying exists among boys and girls, kids and adults of all ages, and of all ethnic and economic backgrounds.  Bullying is part of Empire Consciousness which has been pervasive from the beginning of time.  Empire

Consciousness has the following characteristics:

domination
hierarchy
scarcity
fear
oppression
shaming

blaming
labeling, grouping
stereotyping
violence, hitting, punching, shooting
destruction
war, bombing, killing
entitlement

An example of this is in Russia's war on the Ukraine.  Clearly, an Empire dominating a smaller and weaker country.

As a boy, I was bullied by a gang of boys who hated me because I was Jewish.  It was the 1940's and 1950's -- and Anti-Semitism was rampant in America.  I was repeatedly hit, punched, slapped, spit on, shamed, called names and had my belongings taken away.  I lived in constant fear.  My bullying took place in the classroom, on the playground, on the school bus, in the hallways, in the cafeteria.  Almost all of the adults looked the other way.  One teacher told me that I probably did something to deserve it.

No place felt safe.  When we talk about bullying, we rarely go deeper in to the traumatic affect it has on children, adults, and entire cultures.  Bullying takes away one's feeling safety.  A child becomes hyper-vigilant.

In one's mind is:  When is it coming next?  How can I avoid this?  Where can I hide?  Who can I safely tell.  (By the way, "telling" often makes the bullying worse).  If I cry, do they hit me more?  If I don't cry, do they hit me more so I will cry?

Boys aren't supposed to cry -- so crying erodes a boy's sense of personal masculinity and strength.
Why is this happening to me?  Did I do something wrong?  All of this second-guessing is mind- exhausting.

What we don't usually talk about regarding bullying is the loss of freedom, curiosity, spontaneity that victims of bullying feel.  One is trapped, limited, and life is not under one's control.  No one can be trusted.

It is terrifying, and terror-fying.  Feeling constant terror, the possibility that violence could erupt at any moment creates anxiety, and a long-lasting grief.  Children of bullying lose their innocence, and their light-heartedness.  Life is stressful -- every minute, all the time.  Victims can't study, learn or concentrate.  My kindergarten teacher bullied me.  She told me I would never make it to first grade.

Constant fear and stress, along with lack of freedom and spontaneity, results in loss of a free childhood.  No matter what you do, you will be criticized, blamed or hurt.  There is no escaping it, and one is doomed.  This feeling of impending doom of results in severe depression, and sometimes suicide.

The losses:  childhood, spontaneity, freedom, hope, trust, and safety.  

The effects:  anger, shame, need to control, rage, depression, hopelessness, suicide.

As long as we allow this consciousness to pervade our culture, no one will be safe.  That is because no one is safe until everyone is safe.

Abraham Maslow, my psychology professor in 1960, taught us that safety was the first and most important need that human beings have.  Oneness Consciousness is the acceptance of all others, and the equality of all of humanity.  

Millions of victims of bullying are currently grieving losses and suffering with anxiety, depression, and fear.  It is an international affliction, often minimized and normalized.

Let's get real.

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March 21st, 2023

3/21/2023

 

In an Empire-Obsessed World

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Jesus pleaded to us to be IN the world, but not OF the world.  For Jesus, the world was filled with negativity, hatred, and violence.  We have to live IN the world, but we don't have to take on the many worldly ways and beliefs.  There is another path, another way of being.  I call the world's ways Empire Consciousness, and I call the spiritual world's ways Oneness Consciousness.  Here are some differences in the two belief systems:

Oneness Consciousness vs. Empire Consciousness:

Spiritual ways vs. Empire-Obsessed Ways

equality vs. domination

connection vs. separation

individuality vs. categorizing and labeling

personal empowerment vs. power over

co-operation vs. competition

acceptance vs. judgment

love vs. fear

authenticity vs. addicted living

peaceful means vs. violence

abundance vs. scarcity

self-compassion vs. shame and guilt

forgiveness vs. grudges

freedom vs. oppression

sharing vs. hoarding

equality vs. hierarchy

trust vs. mistrust

letting go vs. control

acceptance vs. self-righteousness

diversity vs. "one right way"

respect vs. disrespect

ruthlessness vs. empathy

humility vs. entitlement (eminent domain)

gratitude vs. envy and resentment

Moving from Empire Consciousness to Oneness Consciousness is the ONLY way the world will become a place of love, lasting joy, and peace.

We must become individuals and a world community of spiritually-centered people for life on this planet to change.  We cannot legislate peace and love.  It is an INSIDE JOB.
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From Empire To Oneness

3/21/2023

 
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Don't Fester
Don't Pester
Let go of
Yesterday
 
Be a Beamer
Be a Dreamer
And the Redeemer
Will Come Your Way
 
Let your Light Shine
And all will be fine
 
Celebrate life
And a great life
Will be yours today
 
Move from Comparing
Controlling, Despairing
There's enough  
To go around
 
Move from Dividing
Dominating, Hiding
And our Oneness 
Will be found
 
We are Connected
Not to be Dissected
We are Holy and Whole
Soul to Soul to Soul
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Mass Shootings

3/21/2023

 

The Tyre Nichols Massacre: Powerlessness/Fear/Domination/Destruction Instinct Gone Crazy

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In Empire Consciousness, there is a fear/domination belief.  The world is "we vs. them."  There is scarcity.  Either kill or be killed.  You can't trust anyone.  Everyone is my enemy, a potential criminal.  Hierarchy is essential, and being on top is crucial.  Domination is contagious.  In a group setting, it is mass domination.  Aggression and violence are also part of the male socialization process.  So, it is manly to be brave.  Shoot first.  Ask questions later.  There is an impulsivity to it.  There is entitlement to use power and force to get the result one wants.

So, if no one is safe until everyone is safe, there will always be threat, power, rage, domination, and a need for control.  Guns provide a feeling of safety for some, and the ability to control for others.  This is built into the consciousness of all males, especially males who are to keep order, and patrol the streets.

Mass shootings frequently come out of powerlessness and rage.  Often, perpetrators are male, feeling victimized by others or life itself.  Some shootings are do to hatred for others who are different.  Some are for retaliation.  And some are just a way to express power and domination.

In the case of Tyre Nichols, the officers were Black.  Why would five strong Black men be threatened by an unarmed young Black man?  The police are playing the role of "serve and protect".  What harm could unarmed Tyre do them?

It isn't about race.  It also isn't a rational response. It is an automatic response coming out of years of socialization, years of oppression, and an opportunity to carry a weapon and defend oneself against the enemy.  It is fear-based, instinctual, and part of the Empire Consciousness that we all are brainwashed into following from birth.

We can try to change the way policing is done in America.  We can fire people, and suspend people.  But this gut instinct to dominate and hurt others is continuously programmed into male psyches.

When a six year old male child brings a gun to school and shoots a teacher, we really have to ask what is going on here?  Rules won't solve it.  It is systemic into the American culture of domination by the powerful.  It about genocide of Native Americans, Jews and others.  It is about subjugation and oppression of Black men, women and children.  And fear continues to fuel more fear.

The other aspect of this systemic psychic disorder is the intense and pervasive denial system is always at work.  Excuses are made.  The Holocaust was made up.  Slavery wasn't that bad.

To change this Empire Consciousness, we have to start by examining the inequitable distribution of resources and services.  With domination comes entitlement and privilege.  Oneness Consciousness is the only solution, and must be understood, taught, and practiced.

If everyone really had enough and believed they were enough, there probably be a lot less shooting and crimes.  Seeing everyone as valuable, worthy, and lovable would change the brains of many people.

It is a simple, yet complex solution.  It is core belief, a way of life, a level of awareness, empathy and consciousness that need to be transformed.  If not, don't be surprised if it happens again and again and again.
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Mike Obsatz | Troy Carstensen
Minneapolis, MN